Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
