Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
