I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
