Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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