He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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