I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize