i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
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You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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