So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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