I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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