So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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