Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
