No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
