My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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