This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
