I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
