We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
