I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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