ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
