She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
