you will always have a special place in my vag
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
