You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
