I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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