I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
