All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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