we're blogging at a bar
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
