don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
