nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize