maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
