dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
