Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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