I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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