We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
