I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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