my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
