Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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