my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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