She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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