Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do herpes really smell.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
