I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
