Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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