Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize