I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
