you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i drank out of a bidet.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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