Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
