Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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