I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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