i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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