So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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