if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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