Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
