I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
