I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
