trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
