Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
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The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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