is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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