I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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