The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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