put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
