Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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