THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
