I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have demons in me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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