why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
