The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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