Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
