While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
