I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
