i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
