I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
