I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I currently don't understand fingers.
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