my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
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Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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