Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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