he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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