Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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