she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
