So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
