So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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