I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
