I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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