It's like God shit irony all over that family
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
